This snippet is inspired by a story I am writing with a friend. Many know that I have a deep love for role playing online through text. Hope is one of my favorite characters to write for.
In this world there is a virtual reality where she met a man who she had come to love, and he returned that love (Kal). Now he is seeking her out, and all she has ever known is rejection in her life. Menax was a villain within the game she had played, to which she has learned is a little bit different in reality. Her roommate is the man who holds power in making her life worse then it is, through cruel criticisms and complaints over all that she does. So here is a snippet, a quick glimpse in a moment of a story.
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If Hope had half a mind to see past herself in these moments she might have asked the driver how he was. Made sure to include him in some manner or fashion. Make sure he felt needed and appreciated for the job he was doing and the time he had been waiting outside. She would have made a point to make sure he didn’t feel belittled after how Menax spoke to him.
But her words had fallen on deaf ears for the moment and Hope couldn’t help but be closed off inside herself as she sat there in the seat with silence around her. Looking down at her hands that rested in her lap, the soft fabric of lavender under them as she tried to sort through everything in her mind.
Here she was, in the backseat of a car with a woman who had tormented and violated her in ways she wouldn’t have dreamed up on her own. The man to which her life seemed dictated by was now going to make a point of hurting her at any given chance. Her sister was in some level of danger she still wasn’t entirely sure how to comprehend and then there was Kal and the harsh impending truth that she knew was coming.
Looming like an approaching storm she could see it was making its way to her and there was no where she could seek shelter. To many people needed her, she couldn’t simply leave and hide. There was no means of escaping reality, no moment of reprieve, no time to mourn or pretend otherwise. It was clear she wasn’t going to manage to get away from Menax, just as in the game so was it in reality even if the circumstances were slightly different.
She hesitated a moment as her words made it through and though there was a delay, eyes glanced up to that finger and then up to the other woman's face. Her expression that of someone who seemed utterly lost in their life. “I don’t know about most expensive. But Lazlos has the best steak.” she said soft, her voice quiet as she sat there.
“Sam and I aren’t dating.” she added lightly and she looked away from her out the window. “We did once, for two years, but not for the last two years.” she was silent for another moment and her body had grown tense. “I didn’t go to the game to find Kal.” she added. “That just….happened..” she looked down at her hands again and fingers lightly touched the tips of the fingernail of the other hand as she looked down.
“I don’t know if I should be grateful I got to have what I had, or if I should wish it had never happened.” she said finally. “I’m not looking forward to losing the one dream I had left.” she added and she took a breath, controlling herself and her body held firm where she sat before she looked back out the window. “I’m not like you, or anyone else. It doesn’t just stay in the game, it doesn’t….not matter.” she said finally. “It all meant something to me.” she said finally.
“And there’s no going back, there’s no undoing it. There’s no stopping what’s going to happen when they get here. Truths are going to come out, and I’m not ready for it. I had one glimmer of light in all the darkness that surrounds my life.” she looked over at Menax finally. “How do you even find strength to keep going when that last spark gets snuffed out and all you have left is to fumble blindly into nothing?”
All the time her voice was soft, quiet. And the way she spoke said she didn’t exactly expect Menax to have the answers she was seeking. It was just she couldn’t hold it inside anymore, it was bleeding out despite all the careful masking that she did, it was all too much for her. So here she shared the true fears she held inside to the woman who could bring the horrors of a spider to life.